


The Mystery of the Epsilon Poof-Dogs

by Valyria



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-23
Updated: 2013-01-23
Packaged: 2017-11-26 13:31:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/651003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valyria/pseuds/Valyria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Complete crack about pomeranians crossed with tribbles. Features Captain Kirk wearing a papoose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Mystery of the Epsilon Poof-Dogs

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PoorQueequeg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoorQueequeg/gifts).



_“Captain’s log stardate 2259.32. Commander Spock and Lieutenants Sulu and Uhura have returned from planet Epsilon Twelve and report all to be in readiness for the Peace Summit to be held tomorrow. Whilst on the planet, Lieutenant Uhura was gifted with an intriguing native domesticated creature. It bears striking resemblance to a small earth dog in its facial features, and has a tail which it wags when excited, but its body is composed of a single fluffly… poof. The Lieutenant seems to have grown very much attached to it.”_

 

* * *

 

  

‘It’s  _adorable_  Nyota!’ Janice Rand exclaimed, her lunch completely forgotten. ‘What’s it called?’ 

Uhura shifted the strange fluffy thing on her lap and smiled fondly at it. ‘The Epsilon Chancellor told me its name was ‘Queequeg’ but I’ve been calling it Poofles.’ Beside her Spock glanced at the thing out of the corner of his eyes in apparent distrust before looking back at his PADD.

Jim smirked. ‘ _Poofles?_ ’he remarked.  _‘_ Really Uhura? _That’s_ what you’re calling the poor thing _?_ ’

She sniffed. ‘What I choose to call my pet is my own business Captain.’

Janice wiggled her fingers in the weird fluffballs face. ‘Hello Poofles! Do you want some of my sandwich? Do you like cheese?’ As she spoke she dangled a piece of replicated cheddar in front of its little black tipped snout.

The thing,  _‘Poofles’_  eagerly snapped at the morsel and made pleading eyes at Janice for more.

Uhura sighed. ‘Look at that cute little face! I just wanna squeeeeeze it….’ she trailed off as she lifted the fat little ball of fur and hugged it tightly, dropping kisses to onto it seemingly at random.

Janice stared with transparent jealousy. She turned to face Jim. ‘Captain - _Jim._ I want one. Get me one. Get me two.’

Jim raised his hands. ‘Whoa whoa there Rand. I can’t make any promises.’

Janice’s bottom lip protruded slightly and she made a face that would have given Poofles a run for her money in the pathetically adorable department. ‘Fine.’ he concluded. ‘I’ll try and get you a…’ he gestured at the thing in Uhura’s arms, ‘… a thing.’

‘A Tribberanian.’ Spock supplied without looking up from his PADD.

 

* * *

 

‘Nyota.’ Spock inquired in a thoughtful voice.

‘Yes ashayam?’ Nyota replied without looking up from the where she sat on the floor in the middle of their quarters.

‘From whence did you obtain an additional three Tribberanians? I did not notice you leaving our quarters last night, and when last I checked, you had only one.’

‘She must have been pregnant.’ Nyota replied happily. Picking up a brown variant she held it up for Spock’s investigation, ‘This one looks like Leonard.’

Spock raised an eyebrow. ‘I fail to see the resemblance between that creature and Doctor McCoy Nyota.’

Grinning she poked the creature in what would have been its belly had its anatomy followed terran mammalian standards. The creature made a low growling noise and twisted it’s face in apparent displeasure.

‘See!?’ Nyota asked. ‘That face! It’s exactly the same as Leonard's “dammit Jim!” face.’

Spock tilted his head to one side and regarded Nyota carefully.

 

* * *

 

The weird little Epsilon poof-dog Spock had given him to examine was proving something of an enigma. It had all the usual organs but a few glaring discrepancies.

Firstly,  _it didn’t have a brain._

Well, obviously it did, since it responded to stimuli and behaved well, like a cute, funny little dog, but Leonard couldn't see where it was doing its thinking. The other equally mystifying issue was the fact that its digestive track seemed to be directly looped into its reproductive system. A novel approach, but one that he was worried could have some disturbing long term effects for the  _Enterprise_.

Leonard headed to the biology labs to see if Sulu could offer any insight. He’d been down on the planet with Uhura, maybe he’d noticed something. He heard a chorus of little yaps and laughter coming from the lab and slowed in the hallway, absently patting ‘Little Bones’ head. (Uhura had named the damn thing, not him).

Little Bones seemed to sense what was behind the door and his tail started waving and little excited noises started coming out of him. Leonard looked down at the creature. It gave him a happy doggy-grin and made a little howling noise.

He triggered the door. A few dozen fluffy heads snapped to look at him and Little Bones gave a happy yelp of greeting. The other Tribberanians responded eagerly, rolling around on the floor ineffectually propelled by their tails.

Sulu, Uhura and a big Ensign in red that Leonard vaguely recognised as Hendricks, or Hendorf or something were all sitting on the ground and playing with the things. Well, Sulu and Uhura were sitting. The big ensign was lying on his back with half a dozen fuzzy balls licking his face, laughing so hard he was crying. Little Bones made a whining noise, eager to play with his brothers and sisters.

Hmm. Maybe Leonard would just sit down and let him run around with his buddies for a minute...

 

* * *

 

Jim looked around his bridge in disbelief.

‘Uhura!’

‘Yes Captain?’ she replied smiling serenely.

‘What the hell is going on here?’ He gestured widely.

‘I’m afraid I don’t follow Captain.’

‘There are little poofy dogs everwhere!’

‘Tribberanians Keptan!’ Chekov reminded him. He held up a particularly large, golden blonde example. ‘Zis one iz called Katenka Pavelovna Chekov! And she iz ze most beee-uttiful!’

Jim raised an eyebrow.

Pavel buried his head in the Katenka Pavelov-whatever’s fluffy coat and made weird noises. Jim glanced over at Sulu to gauge his reaction, but his helmsman’s chair was empty.

‘Sulu?’ he called.

‘Yes Captain?’ the Lieutenant replied cheerfully from the vicinity of the deck.

Frowning Jim walked around the centre console. Sulu was sitting on the floor near his post with half a dozen of the furry things twitching and rolling around him and in his lap.

Something… was going on here. Jim turned back to Uhura.‘Where’s Mr Spock Lieutenant?’

‘He’s in the medical lab.’ She replied. She had a hair brush and was combing Poofles' coat. Completely ignoring the flashing communicator console in front of her.

Jim sat in his chair. Made a rather emasculating high-pitched noise of surprise. Stood up again promptly.

There was a poofy pom-pom of a dog sitting in his chair looking up at him...  _scornfully._  

Jim frowned at it then tilted his head to the side in contemplation. It kinda reminded him of...

 

* * *

 

‘Nyota, whilst your attentions are undoubtedly welcome, I find the presence of 17 Tribberanians in our quarters to be highly distracting.’

Nyota looked up from where she was pressing kisses to him. ‘Just ignore them Spock.’

He was silent for a moment and she continued her thorough exploration of his person. When she reached for the fastening on his pants however he reached down and stopped her.

‘Nyota,’ he started in a hushed voice. ‘They are  _watching.’_

 

* * *

  

Spock was staring at him weirdly. ‘May I ask what that is Captain?’ he inquired politely. 

‘It’s a papoose.’ Jim replied.

Spock blinked. ‘I see… and you are wearing it because?’

Jim smiled. ‘Because of this little guy of course!’

‘Indeed Captain. And who is… ‘this little guy’?’ Spock asked in confusion.

‘This here is Spock Junior.’ Jim proclaimed proudly.

Spock blinked. Uhura stepped closer to look at the adorable little Tribberanian.

‘ _Spock Junior?’_  Spock asked in a strained voice.

Jim grinned at him. ‘Yep.’

‘I am uncertain how comfortable I am with one of these creatures bearing my name.’

‘Why’d you call it Spock?’ Uhura asked curiously, scratching the little thing between the ears.

‘Watch this.’ Jim directed his attention to his cute little buddy, ‘Spock Junior! Do the thing!’ he said in a sharp tone of voice.

The Tribberanian scrunched up its face and flattened its ears in such a way that they seemed stuck out at an  _adorable_  pointed angle from either side of his fluffly little head. Too cute.

Uhura clasped her hands together and make a squealing noise. ‘It’s ADORABLE!’ she exclaimed.

Jim smirked. ‘Takes after his daddy, knows how to impress the ladies.’

‘Perhaps you should rename it ‘Kirk Junior’ then sir.’ Spock suggested.

‘No way! He likes his name.’ Jim rubbed him between the eyes and he purred. ‘Don’t cha my widdle spocky-poos? Yes! Yes you do!’

Uhura bent slightly so she could rub Spock Junior’s chin in counter-point. ‘Spocky-kam!’ she crooned. ‘Who’s the sweetest little Tribberanian? Spocky-kam is!’

Jim glanced up at Spock. He was staring at his namesake in apparent unease. ‘Geez Spock, loosen up a little would you? Wanna hold Spocky-kam?’

The Vulcan flinched slightly. Jim narrowed his eyes. ‘Spocky-kam.’ he said.

Another tic. ‘ _Spocky-kam_...’

Huh. Again.

‘Spocky-kam, Spocky-kam, Spocky-kam, Spocky-‘

_‘Captain.’_

‘What?’

 

* * *

 

_“Captain’s log, supplemental - stardate 2259.39. First Officer Spock in command. Captain Kirk has succumbed to the thrall of the Tribberanians. They appear to have some sort of tranquillising effect upon the human nervous system. Fortunately, my Vulcan physiology appears to have rendered me immune to… its… effects. They are intriguing creatures however. Their fur is… exceedingly… soft. And the rumbling exhalation they produce is… quite... pleasant…’_


End file.
